FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
