It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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