My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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