dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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