I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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