...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
