Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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