I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
