just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
