Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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