just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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