Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize