Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
