So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
