someone threw a dead crab at me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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