just survived the first fart of the relationship.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
