she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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