dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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