They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
youre lurking in front of me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm bleeding and have questions
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
