so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
