remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize