so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
