Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we're so committed to being not committed
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