I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
