I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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