Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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