when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
