Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
