He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My feet surprised me
Randomize
