he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
