you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
