On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
