do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We just shotgunned beers for America
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
