btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
