take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
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I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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