Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
