What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
