shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
