that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
