the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
