Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
