K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
