I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
