we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
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Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
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The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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