If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
