i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
