All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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