She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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