omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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