Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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