Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
