Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Randomize
