i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
