sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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