How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
