Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
