ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
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woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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