at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
