Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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