do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
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