I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
