I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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