I just threw up on my dentist
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
