At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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