Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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