Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
