I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Screwed.edu
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize