his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
