This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
