It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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