she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
