I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
