You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
