question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
